That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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