Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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