peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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