It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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