Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I forget how to act sober
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