I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
