ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
