fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
