Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
