Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
