The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
