im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
