sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
