We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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