Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
