Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
