i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
