my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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