I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
