i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
