Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
