I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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