How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
