This is not my ceiling
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
