went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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