porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize