After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
