okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
