You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
