I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
