Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
