If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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