We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize