someone get that fucking seahorse.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
