i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
