Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
