Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
