his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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