i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
