Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
