it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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