he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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