Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
