margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just threw up on my dentist
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
