Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
