no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
