i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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