New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
