I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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