dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
