Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
