Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize