My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
