I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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