My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
