It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
