Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize