Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
