Pants 0. Shit 1.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
