Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
