Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
