Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
