also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
