Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His hands were made for my vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
