The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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