The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize