she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
