1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
