I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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