guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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