Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
