I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
