apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
