You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i will never coherently bang her
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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