I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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