I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
