Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize