hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
