Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
