i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
