hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize