If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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