Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
