It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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