found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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