My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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