I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
