i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize