This girl is more easily done than said...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
