did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
