Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
