Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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