alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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