you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
