Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
