Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
