I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So much Jack, so little girl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
