you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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