New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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