the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
