i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
