dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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