Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
