I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
