She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
