Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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