I want to have your abortion
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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