And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
