I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
